Monday, August 13, 2012

Why doing the right thing is never easy....

Doing the right thing takes a lot of work, a lot of searching your heart, your mind, your soul, your motivations.  It takes strength of will.  It takes selflessness.  Very often it causes your heart to break because you're not thinking of yourself, but someone else and what's best for them, not for you.

Today we're having to do the right thing for Schmoo.  My heart is broken and I'm prone to tears without warning.  As hard as it is for me, I think it's three times as hard for B for a lot of reasons.  She was Mr B's companion for almost 15 years and mine for five of those.

She guarded the bathroom door when I showered, played 'catch-me' when I'd come home, and was a steady gentle presence and anchor to our home.  But the lymphoma progressed as cancers will and she was losing her smile, which was so much a part of her.  We're at peace with the decision (as much as you can be with a decision like this) and have a vet willing to come to the house.  We have friends who are mourning with us.

She's been enjoying people food for the last few days (steak last night and eggs with cheese and bacon this morning), having lost all interest in either dog or cat food.  One minute she's dancing like a puppy when we go for rides in the car.  The next, she's tired and her back legs are shaky and she falls trying to eat while standing.  In other ways, she's letting us know that she's ready to go while she's not in pain (thanks to increased pills that are increasingly losing their efficacy).  If I could give 15 years of my life to cure her I would in a heartbeat.  I'll remember her like she was in this picture taken by Auntie Brigid:

I love you my funny puppy!  Thank you for your lessons of patience and unconditional love and the gift of strength that allowed me to think beyond myself.  Wait for us at the Rainbow Bridge please....


North said...

I am so very, very sorry about Schmoo. My prayers are with you.

RichD said...

Thoughts and prayers are with you and Mr.B. So sorry for your loss. It is always so hard to make that decision. They are such a big part of our lives.

Old NFO said...

Truly sorry to hear that. Losing a pet HURTS... Know that she will be waiting we you cross the bar, and she'll be ready to play again. Thoughts and prayers...

Borepatch said...

Midwest Chick, it breaks your heart to do your duty. While Schmoo needs that, it's no less heartbreaking.

Brigid said...

I knew as I took the pictures she would be leaving us so very soon. It was so hard to say goodbye. I have no words of my own that fit, all I can offer is a hug when you need it and a cuddle from Barkley.

Much love and wet Barkley kisses -

Near this spot
Are deposited the Remains
of one
Who possessed Beauty
Without Vanity,
Strength without Insolence,
Courage without Ferocity,
And all the Virtues of Man
Without his Vices.

When some proud son of man returns to earth,
Unknown to glory, but upheld by birth,
The sculptor's art exhausts the pomp of woe,
And storied urns record who rests below.

When all is done, upon the tomb is seen,
Not what he was, but what he should have been.

But the poor dog, in life the firmest friend,
The first to welcome, foremost to defend,
Whose honest heart is still his master's own,
Who labors, fights, lives, breathes for him alone,
Unhonored falls, unnoticed all his worth,
Denied in heaven the soul he held on earth --
While man, vain insect! hopes to be forgiven,
And claims himself a sole exclusive heaven.

Oh man! thou feeble tenant of an hour,
Debased by slavery, or corrupt by power --
Who knows thee well must quit thee with disgust,
Degraded mass of animated dust!
Thy love is lust, thy friendship all a cheat,
Thy smiles hypocrisy, thy words deceit!

By nature vile, ennobled but by name,
Each kindred brute might bid thee blush for shame.
Ye, who perchance behold this simple urn,
Pass on -- it honors none you wish to mourn.

To mark a friend's remains these stones arise;
I never knew but one -- and here he lies.

- Lord Byron

KurtP said...

So sorry to hear that.
Thoughts and prayers...

Don said...

Sincerest condolences. Prayers sent for all of you.

Fuzzy Curmudgeon said...

So very sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you as you do the right thing by your companion.

Don said...

I'm saddened for you and Mr. B. The words sound trite, and don't fully convey to you what they're meant to, but she isn't in pain anymore and is in a better place. She'll be waiting, I'm sure.

The other Don.

Stormdrane said...

I am deeply sorry for your loss...

That Guy said...

I am truly sorry for your loss.

Murphy's Law said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. It's the pain that every good dog owner has to bear eventually, but that doesn't make it easier, I know. Remember the good times, and know that Schmoo had a great life.

Monkeywrangler said...

MWC, my sincere condolences on your loss. I learned of Schmoo's passing from Brigid's blog. I saw where MrB noted a Kipling poem, and I found another that I wanted to share with you.

Dinah in Heaven
Rudyard Kipling

She did not know that she was dead
But, when the pang was o'er,
Sat down to wait her Master's tread
Upon the Golden Floor,

With ears full-cock and anxious eyes,
Impatiently resigned;
But ignorant that Paradise
Did not admit her kind.

There was one step along the Stair
That led to Heaven's Gate;
And, till she heard it, her affair
Was -- she explained -- to wait.

And she explained with flattened ear,
Bared lip and milky tooth--
Storming against Ithuriel's Spear
That only proved her truth!

Sudden -- far down the Bridge of Ghosts
That anxious spirits clomb--
She caught that step in all the hosts,
And knew that he had come.

She left them wondering what to do,
But not a doubt had she.
Swifter than her own squeal she flew
Across the Glassy Sea;

Flushing the Cherubs everywhere,
And skidding as she ran,
She refuged under Peter's Chair
And waited for her man.

* * * * * *

There spoke a Spirit out of the press,
'Said: -- "Have you any here
That saved a fool from drunkenness,
And a coward from his fear?

"That turned a soul from dark to day
When other help was vain;
That snatched it from wan hope and made
A cur a man again?"

"Enter and look," said Peter then,
And set the Gate ajar.
"If I know aught of women and men
I trow she is not far."

"Neither by virtue, speech nor art
Nor hope of grace to win;
But godless innocence of heart
That never heard of sin:

"Neither by beauty nor belief
Nor white example shown.
Something a wanton -- more a thief --
But -- most of all -- mine own."

"Enter and look," said Peter then,
"And send you well to speed;
But, for all that I know of women and men
Your riddle is hard to read."

Then flew Dinah from under the Chair,
Into his arms she flew --
And licked his face from chin to hair
And Peter passed them through!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry for your loss.


SHARON said...

I am SO sorry for your loss. Am reading this with tears in my eyes, as it was almost a year ago I had to deal with the same thing with my Cleo. I learned a LONG time ago to have multiple dogs, so when losing one, the hole is not as large. Still, it's never easy. The saving grace is we will meet again, for I firmly believe animals are in heaven.

Brighid said...

It is so hard to let a beloved friend go...let the wake begin and end with tears from happy memories.

Anonymous said...

Read about your loss on Brigid's blog. Please accept our sincerest condolences.

Anonymous said...

I too saw this via Brigid's blog.

I am so very sorry for your loss.

It's up to us to honor the trust our furry companions have in us to do the right thing for them, even when it breaks our hearts doing so. And you handled that so very wisely, with the utmost love.

- naturegirl

God, Gals, Guns, Grub said...

The gals and I know the loss and pain you're going through... just know our thoughts too are with you folks...

I still have a hurt deep inside over dogs we've lost in the past...

Dann in Ohio

Larry Cooper said...

I'm also here from Brigid's blog.

Take a look in the night sky tonight and find Sirius in Canis Major hanging out with Orion. Raise a glass to the Great Overdog and and the Great Hunter; I certainly will.

Peace to you in this tough time.

Larry Cooper

Canis Major
by Robert Frost

The great Overdog,
That heavenly beast
With a star in one eye,
Gives a leap in the east.

He dances upright
All the way to the west
And never once drops
On his forefeet to rest.

I'm a poor underdog,
But tonight I will bark
With the great Overdog
That roams through the dark.

Grog said...

She'll be at the bridge, waiting for you. Please accept my regrets.

Mr. Engineering Johnson said...

It's hard to imagine something that's harder than the decision you made. I could see how much you both loved her and I know she would understand and be grateful for sparing her the suffering of a slow end.

If there is any sense whatsoever in the way this universe works you will see each other again some day, and until then you'll carry a piece of her in your heart.

Anonymous said...

I can hardly wait for our dog reunion at the end of our times when there will be happy puppy zoomies of joy as we reunite with Clyde, Schmoo and Scooter.
I love you and hold you in my heart my dear friend. La

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you and Mr. B tonight -- this is such a terribly hard thing to do. I'm glad your sweet puppy got to be at home with you before she left across the Rainbow Bridge. Godspeed, Schmoo.

Six said...

Lu and I are so sorry. We will be keeping you in our hearts and prayers.

drjim said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your beloved pup's passing.
My wife and I went through it a couple of years ago, and as hard as it is, there's a time when we have to send them on to the great beyond, where they'll be waiting for us.
Be did the right thing, and Schmoo thanks you for it.

Auntie J said...

Found my way here through Brigid's blog.

There are no words at times like this.

I am so very, very sorry.

My heart breaks for you, and my own remembered pain creeps back. We here at Casa Parenthood Experiment are cat people, largely because our youngest is terrified of dogs, but I've always loved them myself. We lost our two oldest kitties (ages 14 and 13) earlier this year, less than two months apart.

I wrote, not long after we lost the oldest, Po, to a vicious mouth cancer, that I hated the right thing. What my brain knew to be the right thing and what my heart desperately wanted to be the right thing were vastly different. I miss them both still.

The right thing is often not easy. And, in times like this, it totally Hoovers.

If nothing else, take comfort in the fact that you're obviously among friends, and we don't mind if you cry. In fact, we'll probably just hug you and cry too.

immagikman said...

Im so sorry to hear about Schmoo, my condolences to you and your family during this time of grief.

SUERTE said...

Having dogs all my life, this scene comes around more than I like, and it always hurts me deeply, as I know you are. My heartfelt condolences, and prayers.

NotClauswitz said...

I'm so sorry. They live their Doggy lives with so much heart and joy and love, the give so much - so quickly consumed. Godspeed the puppy.

RonF said...

I am so sorry. The heartache when you lose your dog almost makes you afraid to have one. No joy is unmixed. But in time it's the joy you remember.

jackson1911 said...

so sorry to hear about this. Not looking forward to the time that my boys will have to face this. My prayers and condolences to you both.


PA State Cop said...

I wept when My Brother put down his Pup. I would watch him when they were out of town. They give so much and ask so little. Peace Schmoo. See ya on the other side.